Part-4: On BAIL Session

Journey to The PRINCY’s OFFICE

Our homework was to frame a realistic idea that could save our a**. We went to tuition classes where everyone was keen to know whether it was a BET or not. Even, they all were gazing at us as if the suspects were released on bail.

We all friends met after our tuition classes but they, all three, were not in mood to discuss about the plan. We went to a burger shop and had two burgers each. It was Pundir’s turn to pay the bill. As it was expected, he uttered the same reason, “I forgot the money in the other jeans.” Jain paid the bill and we accelerated the bikes towards our destination.

Before leaving for our places, I informed, “We would apologise first and resolve the matter outside the Princy’s office & in any case, if we were taken to the Princy’s office, I would take the responsibility of everything. But please, don’t admit your mistake then.”  Deep replied, “Tu abhi tak vahi atka hua hai. Kal ki kal dekhenge…Kathuria.” They were not bothered about the plan. I was worried only because I didn’t want my parents to know about this f* shit.

NEXT DAY, we reached the school very early and kept an eye at the parking lot. But it was not a good beginning for the day. The Devil was quite late and we couldn’t catch him before the morning assembly.

After the morning assembly, we rushed towards the toilet where I was busy in telling them their DIALOGUES which they had to deliver during the worst circumstances. The JUNIORS who were waiting for their turns, looking at me suspiciously as if I was telling my partners where to hide RDX. Deep asked them, “Guys, Have you ever asked the DEVIL, how this f**king process takes place. If not, then ask Kathuria, he’ll teach you.” Everyone started laughing at me.

We entered our classes like KAANTE movie stars ( Jaane kya hoga rama re, Jaane kya hoga maula re).

We felt that the secretion of Adrenalin Hormone, the excitement hormone, was still at its peak amongst the students and they all were anxious about the outcome, THE HEARING CEREMONY.  Even, I got confused whether they were waiting for their Board Exam results.

We sat down at our places and Deep was not willing to take any kind of risk again. He sat somewhere else. The Physics faculty came with a broad smile on his face.  He started taking attendance and in the next moment, Alok Bhaiya , the peon came and handed a paper to him. The Princy issued a warrant against us and we were called up for The Hearing Ceremony.

Before the faculty could announce our names, we all stood up at our places. The faculty cracked a Pathetic, Poor joke (that was our perception only) at us but being suffering from TACHYCARDIA (abnormally rapid heart-beat), we didn’t give a damn to it. Somebody from the back shouted, “Sir bhi TAFRII lene k mood me hai.”

Pundir pushed me to move and I started recalling the previous day and one thing that stuck to my mind was “How the TESTOSTERONE hormone has been ruthlessly suppressed by the duo of ADRENALIN and CORTISOL hormones ?”

While moving towards the Princy’s office, I confirmed if they remembered their DIALOGUES. We cleaned the dust off the shoes with our trousers ( A traditional approach to get rid of the dust) and Deep also put his “Tere Naam wali JHULFEIN” to one side only just to portray himself as a good student.

Alok Bhaiya, who was imitating the role of HAWALDAR, pushed us inside the Princy’s arena.

The Devil was sitting on a sofa and acting like a Prosecutor. We wished both of them and stood straight in front of the Princy like CULPRITS.

To be continued…

Part- 3: The REMAND CEREMONY

We all started planning briskly how the things to be puked at the devil’s face. We decided, no matter what would be happened to us, we would not reveal the truth at any cost.

As the bell rang, the devil ordered us to meet him in the bio-lab.

Even, one thing was clear. The excitement which was lost amongst the students took a high jump suddenly and the credit went to only one person (who is the administrator of this blog :D).

Many of the students came and patted me on the shoulder as if I had taken some wicket when it was required the most. They all were appearing curious about our REMAND CEREMONY.

Deep intervened and said, “Let’s go to the lab. He is going to teach us this f***ing process through practicals.”

He was very cool, although he was regretting too, why he had sat with us. And Pundir gave him a blunt reply “VINASHKALE VIPRIT BUDDHI”.

We started moving upstairs towards the lab. In between, we were revising our dialogues too. It looked like as if we were approaching towards the Examination Hall and discussing the answer of a very important question. The only difference between the former and the latter situation was THE FEEDBACK. The devil would react at the same point if he found us befooling him.

Finally we reached our bio- lab. I turned back at the ground floor and found students of our section discussing this f***ing SCANDAL with each other. It seemed as some of them were so happy. They were showing us THUMBS UP. I wanted to respond with my middle finger pointed at them.

Pundir was the first one to enter and was followed by myself, Jain and Deep.

The devil was waiting for all of us. Before we could speak a single word, he slapped Pundir.  That was the first time he was being slapped and beaten by a teacher. The devil shouted,   “Abhi tumhe suspend karata hun.” This SUSPEND word had left an impact over the Pundir’s a**. He forgot everything about our master-plan and started apologizing in front of the faculty.

Everyone of us got the proper physical treatment in the same order as we had entered the lab.  We three hardly responded and considered this treatment as a part of our curriculum. He was shouting at me but I was least interested.

During this, I found that students were still peeping from the class room. We all were very conscious about our reputation (BUBBLE REPUTATION..lol…) which was being f**ked by our bio- faculty.

Then, he ordered us to move towards the Principal’s office.  I was like what the f* was happening wd me. I just asked him a question which is from our syllabus. I was not getting any idea how to get rid of this bullsh*t.

We started moving in the queue towards the Princi’s office in the same manner as the culprits were taken to the court. And the DEVIL looked like as if he was imitating HAWALDAR.

Well, we were quite lucky. In the meantime, our Princi had left for his place. He was not in the campus. The Devil said, “Come tomorrow positively to take your suspension letters.”  After that, he kept on narrating my XXX SCANDAL (without getting my permission) to each and every faculty who were getting shocked after looking our faces. That was the most embarrassing moment for all of us.

We collected our bags from the classrooms and left for our places.

To be CONTINUED......

Part-2: XXX SCANDAL

I was hypnotized by their justifications, and at last, it was decided that I would ask two questions. ‘One question will act as the undercover and second question will be optional and ultimate’. I told them, “I would ask that question, if and only if, I found him interested in giving the first answer.”  They all nodded and in the next moment, I stood up.

I was about to say, “Excuse me Sir” but before my words could escape my larynx, I sat down. My confidence vanished away in a second.

My ***** friends started commenting at me, “don’t you have G,U,T,S… Robin, he is a jerk, not you. Damn it”  That dialogue acted like a boost up for me, I regained confidence from every muscle, every bone, every artery and every vein of the body and stood straight and called the teacher. Don’t know what happened to the class. They all had maintained a pin drop silence again. As the devil was approaching me, there was something inside my bosom which was forcing me to sit down again.

But Pundir , the **** spoke gently “chill Kathuria”. And I was about to abuse him in front of the whole class.

The devil reached our desk and I asked him the first question very politely. He answered me very well.  Now it was the turn for THE BUMPER QUESTION as it was decided. Everyone was looking at me. It took me a single second to utter that f***ing question (yeah…it was related to f*** only). The question was quite similar to “How does this f***ing process take place?”

Believe me, the question was very much specific. ( that time, I was unaware of the Ctrl + Z option)

“Robin, Meet me after the lecture”, angrily replied Mr.Devil.

It was the time for Cortisol, the Stress hormone, to be released.

As I sat down, the whole class bursted into laughter. Their vocal cords were being activated again.

And what happened then is called True FRIENDSHIP.

THANKS to my KAMEENE FRIENDS who could not hold their laughter and also joined the rest of the class. All of a sudden, the devil turned back (like Bollywood sucking movies) and found JAIN, PUNDIR & DEEP only (from the entire class) laughing at me. He ordered all of us to meet him after the lecture. It was my turn to react. But I didn’t.

Now, it was the time to prepare ourselves for the worst.

To be Continued…..

Part-1: The Unforgettable Lecture on HUMAN-BEING REPRODUCTION

Many among us still believe that the days spent in school were certainly the best days of our lives.  The life-span that I had there was awesome too. And the credit not only goes to my KAMEENE 24*7 friends but also to my SANKI n KHADOOS teachers who had given their best shot to make it unforgettable.

There are zillionth of cherished memories related to my school but now, it’s turn to quote the best one.

It’s been a long time back when we were in class 10^th. Some of them were preparing harder for Board Exams only and some of them were preparing notes for their SO CALLED Crushes cum Girl friends.  And people like us ( myself, Pundir and Jain) hardly bother what was happening around. The reason being we all were among the toppers of the class. 

It was 4^th October, a very special day. Our biology faculty was about to teach us Animal Reproduction and to be very specific it was Human-Being Reproduction. Moreover, the best thing was 99 percent of the strength had come to school ( for this Auspicious Occasion only. :D).

 Finally, the bell rang and everyone started advising their mates not to laugh during his lecture. It was not because of the topic only but our Bio-faculty was also very strict. He hardly used to entertain any nuisance. As the devil entered the class, the whole strength had put their vocal cords on silent mode. He picked up a piece of chalk & wrote HUMAN BEING REPRODUCTION in bold letters; the font size was too large, even a hypermetropia student could also read.  We all got excited but careful about our gestures too. And the first sentence that he uttered was a damn bulls**t. He said, “You all are familiar about this topic. So just go through the book & if you find any problem, you can ask”. 

Believe me, the level of Adrenalin, the excitement hormone, had never ever faced such a downfall and I’m sure, there were many other hormones too which were abusing him badly (with reference to boys only who were present there).

In a few minutes, every student had broken up their silence and started talking with their friends.  The devil was roaming around in the class.

I was sitting with my best (KAMEENE) buddies, Pundir, Jain and Deep.

Pundir said, “What the f*** we are doing here. We are here for studying and this jerk should have taught us, no matter, what’s the topic.”

Jain replied, “He doesn’t have the G,U,T,S to teach this topic in front of 50 students.”  

I said, “Leave it yaar…He is *****.”

Pundir suggested, “Why don’t you ask him any question related to this topic, let’s see, what does he say?”

Friends are those living creatures who would always give you stupid suggestions, provoke you to get them implemented and ultimately, land you into f**ing problems….. but the best thing that makes us to be with them is that they would never leave us alone.”

I said, “Are you moron? He would kick my a** in front of whole class.”

Pundir justified, “He used to answer all your questions and you are the only one who can ask.”

Jain supported him very well, “Come on Robin, He will explain you everything.Nothing to worry about.”

To be Continued......